Coincidences & New Beginnings

I'm going to try to incorporate a couple different things in here, so forgive me if I'm a little scattered! I meant to write on Saturday, but we rearranged the family Easter dinner to Saturday, and then on Sunday Rich and I just had a nice, relaxing day.

Between Rich and I tag-teaming with the flu in the earlier part of the year, and the numerous dental issues I had to deal with during this month, as well as getting used to a new schedule at work (promotion!), and any other random excuse I came up with, my running has been anything but "on schedule" for most of 2013. I started getting back on a plan, fell off track, got back on, fell off again - it's been like that for the last few months. Natalie, one of the running club coaches at work (who is also one of the Biggest Loser organizers) let us know a couple weeks back that there would be a running program starting up at Fleet Feet in West Hartford on 3/30. It's a 10 week program, and Natalie said that work might be able to pay the fee for us (~ $100). I debated back and forth for a little bit, as getting up at 7am on my day off was not on my list of priorities. The upcoming races I've already signed up for do happen to be on that list though, and my ass needs to get training! I thought that signing up for something, and having others rely on me to be there, would be a great way for me to commit to running again. So I agreed, and she said work would foot the bill. Sweet!

So there I was on Saturday morning at 8:45am - at the Fleet Feet store with way more people than I had expected to be there! The program started out with "Week 1" being a 1.5 mile walk/run which I thought would be a piece of cake. We'd alternate 2 minutes of running and 2 minutes of walking. About 4 minutes into it, the reality of how much time I'd taken off from running had set in. I was at the back of the pack already and got back into my old mentality. I became the girl I was when I did my first 5k. Why did I decide to do this? I'm too fat to be a runner. I'm not ready for this. Look how far behind I am already! Why did these other people sign up for this group when they're so far ahead of me? They ARE runners! They don't need this! They're not like me. And then I had to give myself the little pep talk. I am better than this bullshit voice in my head that keeps telling me I can't do it. I CAN DO IT! And I HAVE done it! And at that moment, as one of the trainers' iPod's went off signaling that we were switching from walking back to running, I heard "Let Love In" by the Goo Goo Dolls. As weird as this may sound, it let me know that I was right where I needed to be. Meeting the Goo's back in 2011 was something I was able to cross of my bucket list that I NEVER thought would ever happen. And in that same year, I crossed "finish a 5k" off the list too. Something else that I never thought I would do. Those two things went hand in hand - and were the reason behind me getting my latest tattoo in the latter part of that year. It was my symbol that anything is possible, and that I am capable of anything that I set into motion. As I crossed the last street this past Saturday, and headed back to the start/finish at the Fleet Feet store with 2 of the coaches at my side, I was the last runner. But I still knew that I was a runner. And actually, the timer beeped that it was time to walk again, but I ran that last little bit just because I knew I could :)

Today was my day off. It's a little weird having Tuesdays off and not getting 2 weekend days like most people do. But I normally get a lot of errands and stuff done on Tuesdays. I got my run in today like I was supposed to, and then I tackled getting rid of a lot of paperwork that I had been hanging on to. The amount of paper I've accumulated since the injury back in 2009 is astonishing. But my case is finally settled. I am putting a very rough part of my past behind me and moving on. It was tough going through all that stuff - it made the wounds of all I went through feel very fresh. I could feel the sting of my old bosses' lies. I could feel the pressure from each time I received another doctor's bill, wondering if my credit would become even more fucked up with each passing month. I could feel the stabbing pain in my leg as days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months into years as I waited for the surgery. But with each piece of paper I tore up, I felt just a little bit freer. Each shred that went in the trash made me feel a little bit prouder of who I've become. Before my injury I don't know that I ever would have dreamed of doing a 5k, a marathon, or even a lap around the block. Everything we go through teaches us something, and I learned a lot about who I am and what I am capable of over the last 4(ish) years. When I arrive on Fleet Feet this coming Saturday morning, even if I'm still at the back of the pack, I will be proud that I'm not sitting on the couch and that I am doing something I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to do. I will be proud of who I am, what I have accomplished, and all that lies ahead of me.

It's been a long time!

I cannot believe how long it's been since my last blog post. What happened to 2012?! Rich started a blog of his own this past week (HopAndRun) and it made me want to start writing in mine again. So I am going to try to make a conscious effort to write here more often, even if they are just some short and sweet posts.

For now, just a list of the runs I plan on doing this year. Is it just me, or has the cost of registering for races gone up drastically in the last couple years? I swear when I first started they were only $20 or so, and now it seems most are close to $40 - for a 5k! So cost is a major factor in the amount that I choose to do. The other major factor is that I work on Sundays, so it's tough when you need to request a day off (and usually not get paid) in order to run a race. At this time, my plan for 2013 is as follows:

• Color Me Rad
  4/27/13 - Rentschler Field, East Hartford, CT (This will be my 2nd year running this one)

• Merrell Down & Dirty Mud Run
  6/23/13 - Riverside Park, Hartford, CT (First ever obstacle run. Am I out of my mind?!)

• Electric Run
  8/10/13 - Rentschler Field, East Hartford, CT (A nighttime run that looks AWESOME!)

• Myrtle Beach Mini Marathon (Half Marathon)
  10/20/13 - Start Line at Coastal Grand Mall and finish line at Plyler Park, Myrtle Beach, SC (This will be my first half marathon!)

I will do my best to continue to post on a much more frequent basis. For now, it's time to get ready for the Health and Wellness Expo!

Kinda poor planning?

I had my first 5k under my belt and was ready for the next one! Rich had done the Simsbury River Run (Simsbury, CT) twice and told me I HAD to do that one with him this year now that I was back into running. I told him I'd do it, and I was going to beat the time of my first 5k. He just replied, "ya?" I said, "Well I can't do any worse!" He then went on to tell me that people are always battling to beat their PR. That first one I'd done was so much harder than I'd expected it to be, and I had been training more since then - I didn't think there was any doubt I'd beat mine! I agreed to it - 5/1/11. My goal was to do one per month. This one is usually held the last weekend in April, but that happened to be Easter Sunday (and my 30th birthday!), so they had moved it forward a week. I still count this as my April race :)

I'd been to Rich's previous two in Simsbury and we knew the route to get there, where the check-in was, where the start line was. This should've been a walk in the park. Except... this was the year they switched things up. It was in about the same place, but not quite. Parking was in the same area, but instead of the registration being in the lot, they had  moved it down the street into this park and made a festival out of it. There were WAY MORE people there than in years past! The kids were doing their fun run up and down the sidewalk, there was no clear direction as to where the registration tent was. It was a mess before I'd even gotten my Bib!

Stupid me decided I'd wear my flip-flops down there instead of sneakers and just change before I ran (I actually HATE having shoes on my feet!). It felt like I'd already done a 5k to get down to registration and get back to the car to drop off the t-shirt and change into my sneakers. On top of that, the 5k and 10k had different starting lines so Rich and I wouldn't even start together. And the icing on the cake - the portapotty's were no where to be found! If you know me, you know I freak out about not having facilities around should I need them. Now I was rushed, I had to pee, I was pissed off that everything had changed so much. I was just in the completely wrong mind set to do this. I found a portapotty on the way over to my starting line and thanked God! It was close enough to my starting line, but there were, give or take, 15 people in front of me waiting to use it too - and we had less than 10 minutes to the gun. All of a sudden I saw Rich running over - this was the only one he could find too (and it was even farther to his starting line!). I told him to go in front of me, since he had farther to get back to his start, but just as he had finished, THE GUN WENT OFF! Are you kidding me?!?!?!

Rich was yelling to me, "Just go! Just go anyway! You're chip timed so it doesn't start til you actually run across the line!" I said, "I can't! I have to go now!" :( Now on top of being frustrated to begin with, I had to do 3 miles without using the bathroom first??? Good thing I ran from the portapotty when I did - there was no actual "start line", so they started the timing from when they actually sounded the gun. I wanted to quit before I had even started. I was so upset and devastated to begin with. I had used up what little jog I have the ability to do just getting to the start line. This was going to SUCK!

So I went along with my fast paced walk, trying to compose myself and think positive. And just like the first 5k, I got further and further behind everyone else. I was afraid that soon I wouldn't even see anyone to know where I was going! I made sure I kept one girl in front of me in my sight so I had some chance of not being last. After what seemed like forever, I saw the makeshift 1 mile sign and looked at my ipod - I was at just about 16 minutes! No way! That was about 2 minutes under what my pace was for the first 5k I'd done! And with all that had happened before the race even started to stress me out?? I was so happy!! And then, a few more minutes up the road, there was another makeshift sign - "5k - 1 mile." OMG!!! The first sign was for the 10k'ers!!! I wanted to collapse right there. As I looked at the ipod, I was at just about 20 minutes. I was doing HORRIBLE! :(

But I kept going. I kept the girl in sight. And she was the ONLY girl in sight! The locals who had sat outside by the road to cheer people on had all gone inside. It was me, my ipod, and the streets of Simsbury. Although they were quiet, the streets weren't blocked off. There were no cops out directing traffic. There was pretty much nothing. It was a pretty nice day though - that was about the only upside. And I swore that just a little after mile 2, my grandpa, who had just passed away 2 months before, was with me. Not long after that, I got a burst of energy from "Let It Go" by Cavo. And then a little after that, a volunteer who was there to give direction between the 5k and 10k route, told me she loved my shirt!

::Side note - It was a Biggest Loser shirt that says "Unless you faint, puke, or die, KEEP WALKING!" :)

Just after her was a pretty decent downhill so I tried to jog quite a bit there and pickup some time. I was keeping somewhere around the 20 minute mark, so I knew I should be under an hour, but the whole slip up at the beginning had really thrown me off from knowing where my pace really was. I kept thinking the end was coming but I swear it never did! I kept switching places with the girl behind me because I REFUSED to be last! And finally, I saw the finish line! AND I SAW RICH! He had finished his 10k before I finished my 5k! He didn't see me, but his bright orange shirt stood out and gave me my last burst of energy to get to that finish line! I used what little breath I had to call to him after running through, and he poured his bottle of water over me and brought me to the shade. I couldn't believe I had actually finished that thing!

Looking back, we needed to get there sooner. We unfortunately needed to account for all the changes they had made from the years prior that we hadn't anticipated. Also, I need to wear my sneakers to the run! Had I not had to switch them when we went back to the car, I probably would've had time to use the portapotty before the race. I wondered what my time would have been if I hadn't hit all the obstacles before I had even started. And I wondered how much time would've been cut if my start time was actually calculated from when I crossed the start line, not from the gun time. But I can't redo history - I can only look forward to the next one. I still finished, I still managed to not come in last, and I still got my t-shirt :)

5k time on 5/1/11: 58:12